TW: su!cide
her letter
“My Love1,
To dream and carry an evil dream every day requires a sword. I wouldn't want to leave you such a burden; but you are smart and strong, you will quickly forget.
No one should consider anyone or themselves guilty or responsible for this, because there is no crime; only an interference with the flow of the river!
It's a deliberate act to destroy the irreverence of a being who questions the why of every moment! How nice it was to see childhood go with its pure flow. That's what's lost! No new life can be started with this exhaustion, so I say goodbye to all my loved ones. Forgive Me! I wish forgiveness from my mom, dad and from you, Kağan. From my friends, too!
Nilgün Marmara Önal
I’ve always loved you, Kağan.
Goodbye!
PS 1: I don’t want a funeral, burn my body if possible.
2: Take care of my birds until they die.
3: As I step off the stage, I salute everyone who has been involved in my life.
4: Kağan, you can publish my typewritten poems2 if you want.”
who was she?
Nilgün Marmara was a Turkish poet. She started to study Turkish Literature in college but couldn’t finish it due to political reasons. Later, she started to study English Literature, gratuated in 1985. Her dissertation was on analyzing Sylvia Plath’s poems in the context of her suicide.
She committed suicide by jumping from a balcony on October 13th, 1987. She was 29. “On the day that she died, she had promised me that she was going to start the treatment3 again.” her husband said in an interview.
“Nilgün is dead. She killed herself by jumping out of the window of her house on the fifth floor, Ece Ayhan told me. She was such a unique person, Zelda. She seemed to me to change personality, even body, after a certain time in the evening. Her face was darkened, adding a beautiful but frightening glow to her eyes. She was also very young. I don't think she was thirty yet. This world was another life's waiting room for her. When I look back, I also find a pain on Nilgün's face. I couldn’t see it then.” - Cemal Süreya
thank you so much for reading. i didn’t want to add my personal opinions and biases. otherwise, it’d take an hour to read.
with love,
free palestine: http://free-palestine.carrd.co/
congo is bleeding: https://www.icrc.org/en/where-we-work/africa/democratic-republic-congo
She’s referring to her husband, Kağan Önal.
“Typewritten Poems by Nilgün Marmara”, her journals and papers are also published.
Nilgün Marmara was mentally ill, her doctor recommended a ‘lithium treatment’ which was going to make her numb. Kağan Önal also says she didn’t want to receive the treatment but we don’t know the whole truth.
Thank you.